Bittersweet--Dark chocolate

Tonight is like dark chocolate to me. It's bitter when you bite it, it's hard to start on, you're not sure if you are indeed going to like it....Then it's sweet. Then the real pleasure comes. That's the way tonight is for me. Overall like most people I resist change, I resist the unknown, a huge amount of my identity deal with being sick, 2011 could be the third entire year--or it could bring healing. I have many spoons in the pot of what I'm working on as a person, I know God will remove some. Which ones? I don't know. But is there going to be spoon changes? Yes. The mixture will be sweeter---but with the sweet I wonder if like the dark chocolate a little tinge of bitter is mixed in. Friends, will I gain more? Lose more? Time will tell, God knows the sweet and the bitter. Like the darkness of the chocolate brought by the cocoa, my soul and life will be shaded by what God brings in. Changed forever, and in reality, quite irrevocably. When I look to the new year I feel fear, I hate the unknown like most of us. An adventure, give me everything you got ;) But when unknown is bundled in a mix where I don't know what God wants for me, and what He'll bring, give me a bed to hide under. The sugar in the chocolate is like the blessings God showers on me. My 3 hour meeting with a guy I know, heart to heart between two men striving for the Lord. It was wonderful! But the bitter mixed in as well, my muscles also shook the entire time. What sugar will got stir in this year? What trials will stir the mixture and even it out? A job would be sugar to me, how sweet...right now I can't, next year? Only God knows. I don't usually do these things, but tonight my heart is heavy, I'm going to write a list of things I'd like to be next year. Maybe I'll share it. Maybe I won't. If you read this post, try it. See what God does--I'm sure going to.


Love to all my brothers and sisters in our Lord Christ Jesus,

Millard


(This is an edit in) No it's not poetry, I tried but that's not my skill right now. What it is? A heart felt pondering and acknowledgment of God.

Lord a new year springs from the old,

Oh father were that I eager and bold!

But the old year’s trials are fresh to my mind,

My souls’ constantly in remind.

I wish that I could yell and shout!

I could exclaim what I am to be about.

The plan you hold for me,

Unfolded yes oh so carefully.

Yet I can’t Jesus, I can see the plan,

I can barely see what is laid before me now.

Oh God please lighten my burdened soul!

It cries for your healing touch, show me thine goal!

Where to go at your command,

just show me and I’ll

But Lord the new year it looms with such might,

and in this frail heart of mine, it gives a great fright!

But in this new year, I know you loom as well,

And your shadow cast, now that’s swell.

So behind the unknown you craft,

your plan unknown to me, but not to you.

Through fog and through dessert,

your plan will you lead.

But Lord, before this plan plays out,

Before it’s set in place.

Jesus I know one thing,

You know my needs.

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